Just One Friend

We woke up early and had to get ready quickly, because he needed to be there at 5:45, and we had a 25 minute drive ahead of us. We brushed our teeth, got dressed, and I gathered things up as he had breakfast. I waited for my breakfast, because I'd be coming back home.

The drive was not necessarily quiet, because we were talking the whole way, but it felt quiet. We both knew what was coming. We chatted happily and laughed and giggled anyway. It made it seem less bitter. We drove past the gate and he flashed his ID at the guard who was, like always, holding his M16 rifle. That rifle always makes me nervous.

Once we arrived, it was a quick give of instructions to navigate home, moving things out of the trunk and back seat, and we said our goodbyes. Rhett gave me a kiss or two (or 20) and turned and walked away. This was the start of his field op. 3 weeks apart. 

As he walked away, I thought I was doing remarkably well holding back the tears. I hadn't cried at all all week. I needed to be strong for Rhett. I reached for the keys to turn the car back on and drive away, and they were gone. 

Fear rose in my heart. As the panic and stress set in, all the tears I'd been holding back flooded forward. Quite literally. Rhett had walked away with the keys and his phone was on silent. Praying over and over and over in my heart, head, and out loud, I called Rhett a dozen times and finally he answered. I quickly wiped my tears, told him my problem, and he was on his way back to the car.

Now with keys in my hands, and another quick kiss goodbye, I started my silent journey home.

That was 3 days ago. I know I shouldn't complain, but this is something that is very hard for me. Yes, I know other people have it worse. I know other people have lost their loved ones to worse things. But I'm not them. I don't have their individual strength, passions, weaknesses, or story. That's why I feel like it's okay to complain and be sad.

Really though, I feel I have been doing remarkable well, considering the circumstances. I really am not too familiar with where I am, and the friends I've made out here? The ones that live close? Oh, that would be Rhett. Its hard to be in a new place with no friends by ones-self. It makes for a stressful and lonely situation. But again, I think I've been doing really well. I cried a lot that first night, because the full 3 weeks just seemed so daunting it seemed to me like Rhett would never come back home.

Once I got my tears out, I was good. The next day went quickly and happily. I just kept thinking how great I was doing. No tears, a trip outside the apartment, a sweet kitty to keep me company, and a friend to text with all day.

Today has been fairly similar. Until now. As my texting buddy went to work, I found myself alone. Things again, have become daunting. All I need is a friend. Just one person to talk to. And just when I need one person to talk to, no one wants to talk to me. That may be quite an exaggeration, but its how I feel, so that's what I'll say. 

I have a feeling this will be a hard night. All I want is just one friend. One person to talk to and tell me its okay. Because right now, I feel like I have no one.

And just now, as the tears roll down my cheeks, the Lord has blessed me with another small miracle as my little cat Tony came to sit by me. I guess I'm really not alone. I never am. Still, I hope that I can find people to talk to. I just need a friend (and one that doesn't meow). But for now, I am very grateful for this little kitty by my side.